One of the most popular features in our town's little quirky newspaper, Steamboat Today, is a daily log of real emergency calls received by our local law enforcement. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present..."The Record."
(And just FOR the record, I did not make any of these up.)
12:06 am - Officers were called to a report of a person who heard what sounded like an animal in distress in the 300 block of Steamboat Boulevard. Porcupines were found in the area.
12:22 am - Steamboat Springs Police Department officers were called to a report of a suspicious vehicle in the 600 block of Howelsen Parkway. A moped was found in a portable toilet.
12:26 am - Steamboat Springs Police Department officers were called to a report of a disturbance in the 700 block of Lincoln Avenue. A drunken man was crying at the bar. The man's dad came to pick him up.
1:15 am - Steamboat Springs Police Department officers were called to a report of women shooting paintballs at signs from a vehicle at Hilltop Parkway and South Lincoln Avenue. Officers caught up with the women and made them go back and clean up all the signs.
5:53 am - Officers were called to a report of two bear cubs in the 2800 block of Village Drive. Police said the bear cubs weren't doing anything wrong.
7:19 am - Officers were called to a report of theft in the 1100 block of Angler's Drive. A red British telephone booth was reported stolen.
8:38 am - Officers were called to a report of a moose at a gas station in the 500 block of Marketplace Plaza.
10:20 am - Officers were called to a report of paintballs that were shot at a sign in the 800 block of Weiss Circle. The women who were caught earlier in the morning shooting at signs were called to clean up the sign.
11:35 am - Officers were called to a report of a bear that was chasing ducks in a pond in the 900 block of Mauna Lea Lane.
11:42 am - Officers were called to a report of a stolen van at Lincoln Avenue and 13th Street. It was reportedly taken between July 2012 and Tuesday.
2:13 pm - Officers were called to a report of a missing person at a Mexican restaurant on Snapdragon Way. A man said he went to the bathroom, and his wife was gone when he returned. The wife had a 2:30 p.m. hair appointment, and she was located at a salon in Marketplace Plaza.
4:05 pm - Police were called to a report of shots fired on the 2800 block of Golf Stream Court. Someone reported hearing eight shots in a row and thought it was small arms fire. Police searched the area and didn’t find any evidence of a shooting but noticed several houses nearby were under construction.
5:02 pm - Officers were called to a report of a disturbance in the 1100 block of Memphis Belle Court. Two people were arguing about missing a flight to Oregon.
5:42 pm - Deputies were called to a report of a person with a gun at a golf course in the 26800 block of U.S. Highway 40. It was a golf course employee hunting a gopher.
8:36 pm - Officers were called to a report of a bear that broke into a garage and pulled out golf clubs in the 800 block of Majestic Circle. It was gone when officers arrived.
8:45 pm - Officers contacted a couple who could not figure out how to use the gas pumps at a station in the first block of Angler's Drive. They were shown how to use the pumps.
9:13 pm - Officers were called to help a man who got locked in a bathroom at Fetcher Park. The bathroom automatically locked at 9pm, and the man did not see the button to unlock the door while inside the bathroom. Officers told the man about the button, and he got out.
10:57 pm - Officers were called to a report of a homeowner who discovered a bear eating pistachios in the kitchen in the 2900 block of Alpenglow Way. The bear entered through a screen window in the living room and did not want to leave. Officers used non-lethal methods to scare the bear. It jumped through another window and left.
"A small town is a town where everyone knows everything about everyone, but they still buy a local newspaper to find out what the editor dared to publish." - Danny Kaye